Managing the holidays with ADHD & Autism

Over the next six to eight weeks in December and January (but starting last week!), I am hosting a FREE round table series of ADHD/Autism discussions.

What is this you say? Each week I invite adult autistics and ADHDers (as well as AuDHDers) to discuss topics they consider relevant and important.  Now, we don’t always stay on topic, but that’s one of the best parts of it all.  I love it when conversations emerge organically around individuals.  So, the first workshop is centered on the holidays.  We began with began with: “ADHD/Autism & Managing the Holidays.”

Where the Conversation Went

Below I’ll give you a little recap of what we discussed.  (You really need to come to the next one).  The conversation focused on interactions around the holidays and in particular where not all the invitees or interactions are informed or savvy (or sensitive) regarding autism or ADHD.

The Recap

Here are some of the highlights:

✨   It’s crucial to set your intentions ahead of time before that holiday gathering. ​

✨   Accept things as they are and find that sweet spot where you expect people might not understand, but don’t assume they won’t. ​ This mindset can help reduce emotional momentum and make interactions smoother. ​

ADHD & Autism as Subculture

When advocating for yourself or your loved one, it’s crucial to recognize that people often lack information. ​ Think of autism or ADHD as explaining a different culture. ​ Many don’t realize the existence of subcultures, and autism or ADHD can be seen as such. ​ Educate with patience and empathy, knowing that not everyone will “get it” right away. ​

The metaphor of a different culture implies that autism or ADHD can be seen as a unique way of experiencing and interacting with the world, much like how different cultures have their own customs, languages, and perspectives. ​ Just as people may not immediately understand the nuances of a foreign culture, they might not fully grasp the experiences and behaviors of someone with autism or ADHD. ​ This metaphor encourages patience and education, highlighting the importance of explaining and sharing these unique perspectives to foster understanding and acceptance.

Family Conversations: Manage Expectations

Having conversations with family about autism or ADHD can be challenging. It’s natural to worry about putting important relationships on the line. ​ One suggestion that came up is to approach these discussions with a presence that doesn’t expect immediate understanding but is open to sharing perspectives

Advocacy and Perspective

As part of setting our intentions in our pre-planning prior to venturing out on a holiday dinner, if you think of yourself as an advocate, you might ask yourself: Is the goal to change someone’s mind or to share your perspective? ​ Sharing your perspective can be powerful and less confrontational. ​ Be mindful of people who might try to bait you into arguments. ​ Stay focused on your goal and maintain your calm.