The Comfort of Like-Minded People
Navigating relationships can be challenging, especially for those of us who are autistic or AuDHDers. However, one of the main conclusions of our recent workshop discussion was that being with like-minded people can make a significant difference. When we are around others who share our neurotype, we often feel more at ease and understood. This is because our mirror neurons, which help us understand and empathize with others, are not as hyperactive. Consequently, we don’t need to be as hyperalert.
We discussed quite a bit in this workshop and it was lovely to see familiar faces. It’s feeling like a 🫂community. We’re making the point about relationships while being in relationship. Here’s some of the highlights of our roundtable discussion. 👇🏽
The Power of Affinity Spaces
In affinity spaces, where people share common interests or experiences, we can connect more easily. Patterns in these spaces often remain consistent, even if we learn new things. Starting to unmask, or show our true selves, can create momentum and help us grow beyond our complexities. We might notice a lot of internal messaging and become more aware of our surroundings.
Connecting with Others
Looking at people’s faces and recognizing their actions becomes easier. We often find it simpler to connect with other autistic individuals. Unfortunately, in some organizations or facilities, we might be treated like children. This can be frustrating, especially when we have to explain ourselves to loved ones or face impatience from partners. Infantilizing responses can be hurtful and unfair. (We discuss this a little more in our next workshop in the Free Roundtable Series about emotional intensity and rejection sensitivity dysphoria or RSD).
Have you seen this? 👇
📍Please join us in our next ADHD/Autism roundtable which will be addressing “Emotional Intensity and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria” scheduled for December 17, 2024 at 9:30 am PST.
📍 Check out the recap on our podcast “Keeping Company” on Spotify. (Or wherever you get your local podcast)! Which I hope includes right here. Comments, voting & sharing are all appreciated.
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Check out a brief overview of this topic in the video below.
🖱 Recap contd.
Understanding Mirror Neurons
We went on a big tangent about mirror neurons. Since I discuss this a lot in my work since it relates very much to attachment, let’s go into it a little bit more here. Mirror neurons can be hyperactive in ADHD and autistic brains, making us more sensitive to our environment. Realizing that we are being treated unfairly can be eye-opening. Many of us have put up with a lot before receiving a diagnosis. It’s not uncommon that this plays out in ways to make us very connected and very quickly, but also quick to rejection. We sometimes need to take a time-out to truly evaluate whether our relationships are healthy and be aware of “emotional cut off” in situations where we prematurely end supportive relationships because of, well, something akin to temporary insanity because our thinking brain is offline and our emotions are flooded.
Society’s Expectations and Our Needs
It doesn’t take long in an ADHD/Autism conversation for societal expectations to kick in as a key topic of conversation. One participant noted how society often measures our worth by our independence. For those with ADHD, developing skills often associated with maturity and adulthood can take longer to develop. In the meantime, we are judged on our ability to plan, be on time, and manage our lives without chaos. However, we may need accommodations to thrive. The world doesn’t naturally provide these for us, so we must create spaces that support our needs. This brought up the following points:
🌿 Creating Accommodations for Our Neurotype
Our lives revolve around making accommodations for our neurotype. Which tools and strategies are effective really depend on our capacity at any given moment. Our traits and how we present ourselves are influenced by our environment. Targeted universalism is a concept that focuses on providing specific accommodations for those who need them most, ultimately improving conditions for everyone.
🌿Standing Up for Ourselves
In relationships, some voices are heard more than others. It’s crucial to be supportive while also standing up for ourselves. We often attract others who are undiagnosed, but share our neurotype. That can play out a number of different ways. ADHD and AUTISM in close quarters that’s left unmanaged can be a recipe for disaster. It can also be a blessing. Unmasking around fellow ADHD or autistic individuals can be liberating. We must consider how much of our behavior is due to attachment versus environmental dysregulation or the double empathy issue.
Join Our Workshops
Remember, we do not exist for others’ curiosity, enlightenment, or virtue signaling. Our next workshops will discuss accommodations, the beauty of mirror neurons, and emotional contagion. Join us as we explore these topics and continue to support each other in our journey.
Stay in Touch!
📍If you are newly diagnosed ADHD, or Autistic, or AuDHD, a parent seeking guidance for your ADHD/Autistic child, I provide consultation and as needed strategic support to help you understand ADHD/Autism in the way it’s experienced in everyday life vs a clinical assessment.
📍You may also consider online community support. Check out my online courses, free informational videos, workshops, or individual coaching opportunities to learn more and grow in self-advocacy.
📍 I encourage you to get to know me a little better by visiting me on Instagram or listening to my 
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